chicken nugget queen
sharing an umbrella with someone seems cute but in practice it is 100% horrible and you both end up getting angry and wet
there are certain people who touch my hair and im like what to heck get away from me and there’s others and im like yes i will fall asleep on u
this one time when i was seven i thought that i could talk to trees (because i had no friends), and i use to sit by them and say things and one day i was talking to my tree friend called kevin and this girl went up to me and said “are you talking to that tree, freak!” and i started crying and hugged on to the tree, and while she was laughing one of the branches fell on the girls head, thanks kevin.
200% sure that all of my friend have secret meetings where they just talk about how annoying I am
two vampire friends lying on the floor getting drunk and describing eachother because they can’t use mirrors don’t even try to tell me that isn’t adorable
for the first time in my life ive found something i may like about vampires
how do girls know that they’re off of their periods? do their vaginas like ding or something?
an elf pops out and throws confetti at us and yells “YOU’RE FREE! See you next month”
so you give birth to an elf every month?
and that, kids, is how Santa gets his elves
and why one of Christmas’ colors is red.